Thursday, September 29, 2011

Allegorical Dullness Goes Tropical!


Eight sims.

56 days.

One survivor.

Are you looking for some fun?!

Of course you are, or you wouldn't be on the internet!

Do you like to torture sims?!

Of course you do! Probably!

Do you enjoy the nonstop hilarity of Allegorical Dullness?!

Of course you do, or you wouldn't be reading my blog!

Well, unless you stumbled onto it from somewhere and are now scratching your head and trying to figure out where you are and how you got here...

...Or unless you're here to point and laugh at how hilariously and/or unfunnily awful the whole thing really is...

But, in any case, you might be laughing about something, so here you are and here is Sim Survivor, the really bad knockoff of a really bad show that has gone on for far too long!

Sim Survivor is a game that I frequently played as a child back before The Sims 2 was a twinkle in Will Wright's myopic eye. The rules were simple: I would create eight sims with opposing personalities, dump them onto a lot separated from the rest of the world via pool moat, sit back, and watch the fur fly. They were provided with the bare minimum for survival and occasionally one luxury item each, said item not necessarily useful. As time wore on, sims would be "voted" off the island by dying or by running away from the household in disgust after being attacked by their fellow contestants one too many times. The last sim to remain on the island would be declared the winner, and in theory he or she would receive one million simoleons and a lavish mansion and the chance to live out the rest of his or her days in peace and opulence.

In theory.

I tended not to get that far, you see, as I was a rather easily bored child.

My younger self was probably not the first to envision an unholy melding of The Sims and Survivor, and I'm certainly not the first to get the bright idea of posting it all on the internet. (Google "Sim Survivor" sometime and you'll get tons and tons of hits.) However, I'm in desperate need of something different to do with my game and a round of Sim Survivor sounds like it'll hit the spot right now.

This is how it works:

I chose eight Lifetime Wishes and accompanying Traits based on what I felt would result in the most conflict. Then I went to a random name generator and allowed it to name the sims for me. Dice were rolled to determine who received which Lifetime Wish and Traits. The "Randomize Sim" function was used to determine everyone's appearance, although I did tweak their clothing to be weather-appropriate and did attempt to fix broken proportions here and there.

Afterwards, I downloaded Rflong7's Isolation Isle because it looked like the perfect setting for my victims, frowned at it until it worked despite my lack of the required expansion packs, and deleted the extra residential lots so that the game wouldn't be tempted to spawn a neighboring family or two or five. A base camp was constructed and the mailbox and trashcan were deleted because there are no mailboxes or metal trashcans on a deserted island.

Finally, contestants will be dumped at base camp and left to their own devices with Free Will set to high. At the end of each week, on Sunday evening, whichever sim is cumulatively disliked the most will be "voted off" and summarily killed by either Sim-Me or a guest executioner. The last sim remaining will be considered the Survivor and given a house in Meadow Glen and a nice chunk of cash.

Or possibly killed. I haven't decided yet.

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