Monday, September 26, 2011

Stanley Tweedle and the Voluptuous Vixen Vampires from Space

So I fired up the game to actually play a bit, put some lots down, made Sim-Me churn out another bestselling book, and finally decided to check in on the worst most dysfunctional best and most well-adjusted family in all the neighborhood.


This is the first thing I saw. Poor Kai. Everybody hates him.


The way things were going--both of them had the Upset and Humiliated moodlets, which makes me wish I'd popped in sooner to see their fight play out--they probably would have stood around and made each other miserable all night. As amusing as that would have been, however, I had prepared something nice for them and wanted them to see it RIGHT NOW. So they left their lonely stretch of grass...


..Took a lovely midnight jog through town...


...And finally arrived at their destination.

Surprise! It is a homeless shelter I downloaded for you people ages ago but never got around to installing until now.


It is a wondrous place located directly on the river for easy fishing access, and while it doesn't have any beds it does have enough benches for everyone. Go ahead, settle in, that's what it exists for!


"So you must be pretty upset right now, huh? Haha, you have feelings."


"Shut up. Let's talk about your stupid political views instead. Are you voting Circle again this year?"
"You're changing the subject!"


"Sweet. Caught something, even if it is a man-eating fish with more teeth than edible meat. Now I don't have to stand here and listen to you!"


"Oh yeah? Well, I also caught a man-eating fish with more teeth than edible meat, and it's bigger than yours!"


"You know, we've been here for months and we're still roasting wild fish over a cauldron thing."
"I know. It seems kind of weird. You'd think we would have a place to live by n--"




"At the very least, you'd think I would have figured out how not to burn fish. FML."


Stanley's fish didn't burn, but he appeared to hate it anyway.


And after he ate, he just got up and walked away without extinguishing the fire. Sure, this looks safe!


The next day, walking into the shelter in pursuit of bathroom facilities, Stanley found a computer. I assume it was placed there for job-searching, so that homeless sims can acquire gainful employment and someday become not-homeless. What did he use it for?


To troll message boards, of course!


"Why you no write me back, internet?!"

Unfortunately, his inappropriate posts did not get the immediate response that he was hoping for. This made him unhappy.


Very, very unhappy.


Meanwhile, Kai ditched everyone to go do the only thing that appears to make him happy: hop on a treadmill and run in place for six hours straight. His obsession with exercise is a bit terrifying, really.


Back at the shelter, trying to think of a way that he could pass time between forum posts, Stanley came up with the most brilliant idea ever: he would become an author.

That's right. He rolled a wish to write a book. And what am I but a humble servant to my sims' desires?


You are looking at the next Bram Stoker.


As Stanley was putting on his thinking face, some random townie walked in and stood in front of the shower. Huh?


Hey, that's not yours! Sure, maybe it's technically open to the public, but my playables used it first and that means it isn't yours! Sod off!


He proceeded to hop out of the shower and don...that. Uh, okaaay...


Yeah, you'd better run away.


"And don't come back, you dirty shower-thief!"


His position as rightful owner of the shower established, Stanley went back to pretending that he is a writer.


Then this guy showed up for a picnic! Go away, guy!


He wouldn't go away. After he finished his picnic, he grabbed a book and started to read.


Then he went into the bathroom to make stupid faces at himself.

So where was Kai throughout the whole ordeal, you may wonder?


He was off getting hit by a car.

Oh, yes, and Stanley's troll-posts eventually did get responses:



He also finished his book.


No, I don't know how he ended up writing a hit either.

Yes, this means that he now has some money.

And no, I'm not sure what I'll do with it yet. I already know what I won't be doing with it, however, and you'll find that out in the next update.

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