Tuesday, September 27, 2011

'Cause I'm the taxman...

As a sidenote, there was a reason that I specifically compared Stanley to Bram Stoker in my last post. You see, I decided to type up an example of what I thought his writing would be like and submit it to I Write Like, and it thought that he wrote like Bram Stoker.

For the record, here is what I sent in:

Voluptuous Vixen Vampires From Space, by Stanley

Stanley was an ordinary man until he was kidnapped by the voluptuous vixen vampires from space. Taken aboard their ship and forced to marry them all, then crowned their king, he was then the happiest man ever!!! He had women feeding him grapes and tending to his every desire and was very happy.

The End

Yep. Bram Stoker. Make of that what you will.

Anyway, after hanging around the homeless shelter for a couple weeks I suddenly remembered the vegetable garden. Crap! The vegetable garden! Well, maybe it's all right, maybe the plants will stay fresh if there's nobody around looking at them and thinking 'I should really water those before they go bad...'


Nope. It's all dry and wilty and dead. Crap.


You're the gardener, man, you fix it!


Kai labored through the night, watering plants, weeding them, harvesting their not-so-fresh produce, and generally coaxing them back into a state that somewhat resembled life.


But, too exhausted to save everything in one go, he finally gave up and dragged himself into the neighbor's backyard for a nap.


You know, being homeless as a sim isn't that bad. At all.

Things were not so tranquil back at the shelter. There, the unthinkable had happened.


The computer had broken.


"Stupid computer! How am I going to troll people on the internet now?"


"I know what I have to do. I'll have to fix you myself! Let's see, what does this pokey-outy thing do? And this wire?"


"Eh, whatever. I'll just jab it with a screwdriver and see if that works."


Amazingly, it did.


"Huh. Well, whatever. Just don't break again, stupid computer."

Back in his unsuspecting neighbor's yard, Kai woke up and headed off to continue gardening. But then!


Then I got this popup saying that they owed a bill in excess of $800 and had only one day to pay it off.

What? First of all, how can their bills be $800+ when they don't even have electricity? And if they don't pay, what will the city do about it when they own literally nothing that can be repossessed?

They didn't have the money to pay it, so I just ignored the popup and let everyone go about their business. Kai was still restoring the neglected garden when I got this popup the next morning:


Ha. So what exactly are you going to take, repoman? The clothes off everyone's back? All the old newspapers piled up outside their lonely little mailbox? The garden? Oh, please don't take the old newspapers! I'd die without them!


Oooh, I'm so scared.


Yep. Shaking in my boots right now.


There are no words to describe how frightened I am to see that truck in front of my lot. None at all, guys.


"Huh...who are you and what are you doing here?"




"Wait, I know that uniform! You're from Collections! RUN AWAY!"

Stanley is more easily intimidated than I am.


There you go. Join the ranks of No1Curr.


After a few hours she just climbed back into her truck and drove off. It happened so quickly that I didn't get a screenshot. :( At least I now know, however, that these people are immune to the taxman.

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