Saturday, October 1, 2011

Sim Survivor - Days 2 to 7, Week 1

LonnieSob

Lonnie still hates his life and all the fresh air and grass that's in it. He woke up early in the morning on day two and immediately began to cry.

Boo

Then Clinton popped out of the woodwork and gave him a fright.

Rage

Lonnie was infuriated.

Mooch

"So, I know that I'm closer to the fridge than you are, but I don't feel like walking over to it! Could you give me something to eat instead? Please?"

Mooch2

"Sure, why not? I am, after all, such a humanitarian!"

Mooch3

I guess Darren finally got the memo that a politician should at least try to pretend he gives a damn about other people.

WhatADouche

"You're such a phony! You're not fooling anyone, old man, you don't actually care about her!"

You're not fooling anyone, Clinton. You don't actually care about the fact that Darren doesn't care about her. You just want to act like a douchebag.

StillMoreDouching

And you're headed toward your grave because of it.

Outing

I sent everyone on an outing to the local pond to get them away from camp for a while.

Pond

Isn't it beautiful? Unfortunately, instead of taking in the view or fishing or even just having a nice time, the contestants spent their entire field trip...being themselves.

YetMoreDouching

Clinton was an asshole.

NelsonPlant

Nelson made friends with the plants.

DonaCereal

Dona inexplicably mooched a bowl of cereal from somebody.

BowlLick

And then almost pulled her own heart from her chest trying to lick the bowl clean.

AllGone

"All gone? Awww."

PaperBoy

What are you doing here, paper boy?! You do not belong on a deserted island! Go away!

Crosseyed

Late in the day, Dona began to feel funny. Wtf, Dona?

DonaPee

Oh. Our first bladder accident.

Crosseyed2

Darren?!

DarrenPee

You too, eh?

EsmeraldaPee

Esmeralda!

LonnieHatesPee

Lonnie really, really did not like the simultaneous triple-urination.

LonniePee

The hypocrite.

MeeceDonnaChat

Meece and Dona became very good friends overnight, in no small part due to the fact that they stayed out at the pond chatting ALL night. Meece had an accident during that time and Dona had a second accident, both ended up smelling worse than an uncovered sewer, and both had constant thought bubbles of exhaustion over their heads, but none of that stopped them from gossiping and chatting for hours!

MeeceDonnaChat2

"Oh, wow, the sun came up again! Anyway, we're both tired and stinky--I can't believe how much we have in common!"

"I know! Isn't it great?"

MeecePassesOut

Finally, at about nine o'clock on the morning of day three, Meece succumbed to the pull of gravity.

DonnaLeaves

Dona proceeded to abandon her new best friend and wander off toward home without a care in the world.

DonaPassOut

She didn't get there.

InvisiblePee

Humiliatingly, Meece showed up on her way home just as Dona came to and peed herself. Again. The fact that urine is apparently invisible on the sand did not stop Meece from noticing and being disgusted.

EsmeraldaCrush

I think that Esmeralda has a crush on Darren. Aw, how cute.

Just don't expect this to end like The Hunger Games, Esmeralda, because it won't.

ToiletHoldup

Kelly continues to hold the toilet hostage!

LonnieHatesYourShenanigans

Lonnie got sick of it.

KellyHatesYourFace

Kelly maintained that if he really wanted the toilet he would stop being a lazy weakling and fight her for possession of it.

Cleaning

These sims all love to clean. I'd go so far as to say that they are obsessed with it. Nothing stays dirty for more than a few minutes before someone is swooping down on it with a mop and/or a sponge. I assume this is because they are incredibly desperate to find something to do with their time, even if it is scrubbing the toilet.

EwNotAgain

Even Dona helps, in her own strange way.

And no, that is not her bowl. Somebody else had eaten soup out of it earlier. You're disgusting, Dona.

ClintonIsStupid

Clinton works industriously to seal his fate.

KellyPeesSelf

Kelly had an accident right next to the outhouse. While it was empty. Great job!

KellyLikesToScare

She later vented the shame and frustration of her inadequate bladder on Lonnie.

DarrenHandyman

These idiots managed to break the shower and were trailing tendrils of green stink for two days before I realized what had happened. Since none of them had made the slightest attempt to fix it autonomously, I finally gave in and ordered Darren to take care of it.

DarrenHandyman2

Then I had him fix the sink, because two days' worth of unwashed dishes wasn't pretty.

GrossDishes

At all. I don't think even you want to lick those clean, Dona.

KellyPeesAgain

Kelly had another accident in close proximity to the empty outhouse. She appears to prefer sitting on the toilet to actually using it.

DouchingAgain

The seventh day was not without tension.

KellyScared

Clinton just couldn't resist getting in those last few asshole points.

ClintonPointAndYell

Did I say few? I meant several.

YouAreGarbage

Sorry, did I say several? I meant bucketloads.

Meld

As afternoon wore on into evening--the final evening of one unlucky contestant's life--Kelly was hit with a stroke of pure genius.

"I know! I'll hide in Meece and nobody will even know that I am around, so they won't vote for me!"

WhoTheHellIsThis

As I was off preparing Sim-Me for the first execution, I noticed something odd on the world map. A single taxi was zooming along the beach, carrying someone named Greta Knight. Who or what is Greta Knight?! I followed the taxi to see.

GretaKnight

This is a Greta Knight, evidently. And after I took this screenshot she ran off toward the abandoned mine and then vanished into thin air.

I'm scared now. Somebody hold me.

Frown

Nah, I'm just kidding. This isn't a scared face.

In the next post: votes are tabulated and a contestant is offed, and Greta Knight is hopefully never seen again!

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