Friday, July 29, 2011

The misadventures


Sim-Me lives on the beach, where she enjoys fabulous vistas and the constant thunder of waves on the shore.


She enjoys them from her lean-to.


Her traits are Computer Whiz, Bookworm, Artistic, Grumpy, and Loner. I may have overestimated my artisticness a little, but I'd like to think of myself as artistic, so, yeah, you can just shut up.


Sim-Me does not have a job. Instead she spents her days picking up things she finds on the ground and then promptly sticking them back in the ground to see what will grow, and also trying to fish.



The operative word here is trying, as I apparently fail at it.


Her rather antiestablishmentarian lifestyle gives her quite a bit of free time, which she uses to paint...


...And write...


...And talk trash about people. I can only imagine what she's saying here. "I have this blog that may be read by as many as TWO people, and they agree that Stanley is a total loser!"

To the best of my recollection the pop-up actually said something like, "Did you know that Josef Heiter is filthy rich? I never would have guessed!" But seriously, Sim-Me is gossiping about a sim that I made to another sim that I made. Mind: blown.


Sim-Me entered an eating contest at the local diner to get some delicious, free greasy diner food. She didn't win, but she did walk away with an overfilled stomach.


She also visited some unknown band of morons at their home lot, and one of them immediately asked for her star sign.


I think that my expression sums up my reaction quite nicely! Thanks, self!


At one point she attempted to go running at the gym. By "running" I mean "slow walk" and by "attempted" I mean "she walked for two minutes before hopping off the treadmill and leaving." Sim-Me is so much like Real-Me that it's almost frightening.


Before Sim-Me had an outhouse with a shower, she had to make do with a tub in the yard. I'm sure the neighbors loved her. Fortunately, in Simland there are no public indecency laws.


...Why did you show up on my property at eight in the morning? Furthermore, why are you complaining that I'm smelly? I've been gardening since five, of course I stink! I was just about to take a bath!


He proceeded to hang around for the rest of the day, and since Sim-Me hadn't gotten her outhouse yet she couldn't take a bath. She kept trying to shoo him off, but every time she did he would stop what he was doing, stare at her confusedly for a while, and then not move. Sim-Me was upset and sad at first, but then she got angry and began to hurl what sounded like Simlish obscenities at him, which quickly became a roar of wordless fury. The whole thing was so entertaining that I let it go on well into the night.


Hum-de-dum, going to City Hall to register myself as an unemployed hippie is such fu--OH JOHN RINGO NO. Just ignore him, just ignore him, don't make eye contact and don't drink the water...


Ohdearlordhefollowedme. I just wanted to sell my subpar lettuce to an unsuspecting grocery store! Leave me alone!


GAH! I just wanted to use the restroom! What are you doing back here?!


Meeting new people, apparently. Please don't have a syringe hidden somewhere in your clothes. It will not be insulin.


So, uh, you're a surgeon who specializes in the separation of conjoined twins, huh? That's great. I'm sure it will never lead you to think about doing the opposite.


Well, it was nice chatting with you, but I've got to go and hide somewhere, um, I mean, get back to my painting. Yeah. pleasedon'thaveatranquilizergun.



"Feeed heeer."


The creepy encounters didn't stop with Heiter. Here Sim-Me is napping on a couch at the library, minding her own business.


Apparently this guy is a huge fan of Allegorical Dullness, because he could not get over to her fast enough after she woke up.




A few compliments and adoring looks later and I am beginning to wonder if I'm not playing Oblivion somehow.


It is not a comforting thought.

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